Wife is out planning for a bash tonight, daughter is out playing at a friend's place, I am here all by myself at home in my apartment. My brother just went to Goa with his wife on a short vacation. I spoke to my mother yesterday on the phone and she was unusually happy and jovial. Dad's health also seems fine. These apparently fortunate turn of circumstances in the present afford me some time for quiet reflection!
These past 35 years have been filled with all kinds of experiences. My earliest memories go back to the time I spent at my Uncle's place in UP and me playing on my cousin brother's tummy next to a tree and tearing apart his vest, my Aunt (Chachi) giving me a shower, my uncle giving me a tight slap for not going to school! I am told, I went to study at my uncle's place when I was all but 3 years old. Aunt passed away a few years later, probably it was around 1989 or 1990 and I was about 6 years old. She took good care of us, although I rarely saw her happy, she always seemed frail and yellowish and complained of headaches. My uncle loved me and Aunt took good care of me. Overall, I seemed to have a good time at my uncle's place. I moved back to stay with my parents after my Aunt's untimely death. The next 7-8 years from 1989-97 at my parent's place were filled with challenges and economic hardships, Dad had a really bad temper and frequently I was a victim of his ire. Those years were largely made endurable by my mother's and grand mother's love and affection for me. The next three years I spent studying in Patna and preparing for the engineering entrance exams. As luck would have it by a turn of circumstances I landed up at Indian Statistical Institute in 2000.
The next 5 years at ISI were very educational. I learned mathematics, Statistics, conquered a lot of my insecurities, read lots of books and overall enjoyed a life of independence, minimalism and free thought. In the final year 2005, I fell in love and as luck would have it got my heart badly broken. This broken heart led to a lot of pain and suffering over the next few years. In the year 2005, I joined UW Seattle as a Ph.D. student largely because I was not ready for a full-time job at the time and liked the opportunity to explore a new country and have some free time to explore my interests. I had a great relationship with my Ph.D. advisor and wrote a fairly good-quality Ph.D. thesis. After a year of being in Seattle, my headaches and running to several doctors for its treatment started. I still continue to get these headaches, however, now they are attributed to sinusitis and other related causes.
In 2009, I had had enough of Seattle and was ready to move back to India. I joined GE research Banglore in 2010 and got married in 2011. The time immediately after marriage was a roller-coaster ride, at times great and other times stressful. Although, over time largely due to the efforts of Priyanka things have been much more pleasant. Mahi was born in 2012. At first I didn't seem ready but, she brought a lot of joy in our lives. Our lives started revolving around her. Between 2012-13, I was at a start-up called Mzaya and enjoyed the work there, then when it became clear that Mzaya wasn't going to survive, I moved to Amazon in July 2013. At first, there was a lot of learning at Amazon, however, after about a year I didn't get along very well with my manager and decided to move to Seattle in December 2014. I am still here at Amazon Seattle, the first three years in retail business, and now more recently in AWS.
This concludes the major events in my life so far. I am not going to speculate on what the next chapter would bring, largely because the specifics are uncertain and hard to say. Though, the general trend can perhaps be forecasted with a reasonable accuracy. Getting older is likely, death is certain. A gradual decrease in health and stamina over time is expected. An increase in work and family responsibilities are expected. Parents will get older and would need more support. Mahi will grow older and go to high-school then college, get married, leave home, another child might be born.
The real question to explore now is what is it that I want to do in my remaining life? On the professional front: Do I want to attain great career success- become a VP or a CEO? Do I just want to enjoy life and work just enough to get paid and make money? Do I care about the impact of my work on the organization/ people? Do I want to teach? On the personal front: what kind of life do I want? Would I want a lot of money or would I rather want time to spend with family? On the health front: Do I just want to carry along or do I want to take steps to get more fit and reduce my health problems? On the state of mind front: Do I want to remain short-tempered and easily get provoked or do I want to attain a measure of calmness and serenity? On the family front: Do I want a happy family or a family where people are always mad at each other.
To answer the career question first, it seems to me that while I do not care or want to be a VP or a CXO, I do care to have impactful work. This means the work I do, should carry the organization forward and should have significant impact financial or otherwise. I enjoy teaching and an opportunity to do that in the organization would be welcome. I want money, however, not too much to get fat, but enough to live my life without any sort of financial worries. To always have something extra for parents, travel, a friend, relatives, rainy days, bad health, organizations I want to support, etc. Also, if possible, I would like financial freedom so that I can do stuff I enjoy without having to worry about getting paid for it. It is also clear that I do not want to work just for the money but primarily for the enjoyment and impact of work. On the health side, I definitely want to get fit, have any health issues under control and stay active. On the state of mind front: I wish to achieve a sense of calmness and serenity in my mind and not get easily perturbed. On the family front: I definitely wish to have a happy family. Below I list where I am on different issues and where I wish to be.
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